Sex education - The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about who should hold the responsibility of educating young people about sex and sexuality. On one side of the spectrum there are those who believe that parents and only parents should be teaching such sensitive and value-fill information to kids. On the other side, there are those who say that not enough education is being done in the home and that the schools need to step up and do the right thing by kids.
To further the debate and increase its complexity is the question about what exactly kids need to know and when. President Bush has issued his own view on the matter by granting government funding for those schools and programs that provide "abstinent only" education, meaning that there is no discussion about anything but abstaining from sex until marriage. Many people believe, and most research proves, that this message severely short changes children and could potentially set them up for making bad and or even life threatening decisions.
Many parents that I talk to believe in comprehensive education (talking about all aspects of sex and sexuality including abstinence), and are always comforted to hear that research is firm in showing that kids want to hear it from their parents and often make better choices when they have had those parental conversations.
But.....parents as sex educators.... This prospect for some is almost as frightening as the concept of kids having sex. Take it from me; it doesn't have to be frightening. There is so much information available that anyone, even parents, can do a great job. There are just a few things to keep in mind in order to be successful.
A. Be honest and open. The rule is that if a kid asks a question, he got the idea from somewhere and needs to have an age appropriate response. Ignoring the question or telling a child that he/she shouldn't be asking about such things sends the message that certain questions are off limits and they will take those questions elsewhere, school friends for example, who don't always have the correct answers or have the family values that you would want articulated in mind. Keep in mind the "age appropriate" part of this tip. As parents we don't want our kids to know to much to soon, but developmentally, they may be more advanced and ready to hear more than you think. If you aren't sure, look it up.
B. It is OK to share your values and morals and what you expect for your family. I think that often parents feel like they can't express their own expectations for their children when they educate about sexuality. You can talk about methods of pregnancy and disease prevention at the same time that you are talking about abstinence and relationship building. One is not exclusive of the other.
C. It is also OK to set limits and boundaries where you need. Talking about a penis in the middle of the grocery store is not appropriate. Those types of situations can easily be handled by telling a child that his or her question is valid and important, but would be much better dealt with at home. The thing to remember here is that you must go back to your child with the question when you said you would. Thinking that your child will just forget and you'll be off the hook does nothing for your credibility. And trust me, your kids will not forget, they will just remind you that you forgot when it suits their needs.
D. Often times a parent will get a question about a topic or a situation that they are not comfortable with or have very little information about. It is critical for parents to know and believe that they do not have to be experts in sex education. They must be able to, however, know their limits and know where to get the resources they need to refer their children for the right answers. It is also OK to admit to your child that you aren't the best person to talk about this topic, but that you know the person who is.
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